The Dazzling Machine

8 Sept 2022

SaturGay Morning

Gurlllllll….I had to rest. Your hoLe is tired. Machine Dazzle’s QUEER MAXIMALISM opening night- was OFF THE FUCKING HOOK!

I had seen photos of the billboard, but WAS NOT PREPARED FOR IT LIVE AND IN PERSON! As I walked up the stairs from the subway, I started looking…..and there she was- a 3 floor banner of Machine, stretched across the building. He was wearing a deconstructed, USA flag and staring at DrumpF Tower. Machine’s open arms welcomed the world in, and revealed a layer of Fagic that the world so desperately needed.

My Dazzle Family started trickling in at the base of the building. It was more than a physical arrival, our MACHINE HAD ARRIVED! MAD Museum is located at the (hopefully to soon be renamed), Columbus Circle. A sweet spot by Central Park, where cars wind themselves through the roundabout cog, and were cranking up energy to feed The City and tonight’s performance.

The MAD Museum (Museum of Art & Design) is crazy cool. Our dressing room boasts views of the Upper West Side and gilded statues adorning Central Park. Our gorgeous, handler and MAD boss, Lydia, couldn’t have been better! Donning a chartreuse, pleated, tennis dress, I knew I liked her even more when I spotted her Marge Simpson mermaid bag. Her powers of patience were palpable as she herded us to our dressing room. Everything was allowed…..except GLITTER.

Although do-able, it was a shocker. Glitter was the only other single word descriptor of us besides DAZZLE. Since the last time we danced, glitter had been exposed to the world as a harmful pollutant. A pariah of plastic, a microbead monster, an unfortunate casualty realized. Back in the day, the worst thing I remember hearing about it, was that it was THE HERPES OF THE FASHION WORLD. Once you got it on you, it never went away. We had scattered, smothered and covered many a dressing room and hallway with the stuff. If only glasses came with Foresight Lenses? As indulgent, young citizens of New York, we probably would have done it anyway.

Treasured together time was had getting undressed in the dressing room. Paillettes and gilded, body paint were to be our glitter substitutes. Small rehearsal steps occasionally slid into the chaos of getting ready. I’ve never known how to do make-up. “You look like a muppet.” was the compliment I was receiving today.

Finally, Vinny arrived. I hadn’t seen him yet, because he wasn’t dancing with us for god only knows why, and I was sad about that. He made up for it by bringing gifts of food and wine. As he poured himself a glass, I thought I would join him for one. For reasons unknown to me, he quickly shouted out my intentions to the group. I was then instructed by Cherry that it had been decided that none of us were drinking before the show. “It was in an email.”

Goddammit.

Now I look like an alcoholic asshole. Instead of a tantrum, I fell silent. That’s not entirely true, I did have a small tantrum and squawked something about being 53 and not liking it when other people make decisions for me. Never have, never will. It put me in a bad mood for 15 minutes. I thought about why I was angry. Was it because I couldn’t have a drink, or because I was being told not to? Probably both. As per usual, other dancers, (I’m looking at you Chunky Cupcake), did drink and I was asked “Since when do you do what you’re told, other people don’t.” Mindfuckness still has a room in the house of Dazzle.

That was the only stumbling block in an otherwise phantasmagorical evening. Machine came in and explained the costumes that were to be consumed. Each costume was a color from the rainbow. Adorned with florets that attached to macramé collars, the mishmash of textures descended into flowing strips. Almost dancing by themselves, these soft, plump strings bounced and wiggled with the slightest movement. Covering this ensemble was a matching mask, veil and beret that brought back memories of Mardi Gras and that my mother died on this day, 6 years ago. Unfortunately, Queen Elizabeth also died today. I found this attempt to upstage my mother’s dying day quite rude! I was sure that Mom had been watching over me by providing this delicious day of distraction.

Sochni helped us put on the surprisingly simple, yet extremely complicated bi-fold panties. No matter how I wore them, they were 3 sizes too small. I didn’t care. Our moment was almost here. The only thing left to manifest our magic was The Dazzle Circle.

Dazzle, Dazzle, DAZZLE, DAZZLE DAZZLE, DAZZLE, DAZZLE, DAZZLE DAZZLE, DAZZLE, DAZZLE,DAZZLE DAZZLE, DAZZLE, DAZZLE!!!!!- Our hands clasped one another in a ritualistic circle around the conference table. We chanted and bounced, psyching ourselves up before leaving the dressing room and lining up for our entrance. This was it. The sound of music started ghosting down the hall. Machine started leading us in, and I was the last- OMIGOD- he’s going to slow! I started freaking out, there were no do-overs this time. Memories of venues starting the song over due to mishaps came flooding back. WE HAD TO HIT IT!

And we did! Machine took his place in the middle as we snapped into tornado formation, spinning round him, lifting his spirit ever higher. A Dazzling Spell was being cast in the room and no one could resist the impending joy. Some Dazzle Dancers know the moves better then others, so shouting out counts and moves helps those of us who are more technically challenged (moi). Its also pretty fucking funny to hear.

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

SERVE THE TURKEY!

SNAP!

ONE!!!!

RIPPLE!

ASS MAGNET!

These are just a few of the instructive words and phrases that lend magic and remind us of our choreography during our numbers.

And what a number it was! It felt good, and seemed like we were possibly together? We hit most of the counts and the place was a wreck with confetti, screams and shouts- I think it worked out? I’d seen faces from the past all over the place. Lovers and friends, smiles and glory, were deliciously sandwiched between the walls.

“Everyone was so happy!” joyfully shared one of my more cynical friends. Our spell was complete. Once again, we manifested the magic and I realized that we always will.

I love you Machine.

I love you Dazzle Dancers.