TEXAS IN DA HUIS!
Today was a funny day at the kiosk, or what we call “The Nipple”. Theres a lot of Americans traveling through Amsterdam this week. No idea why. The first lady who came in was a little on the heavy side and gave a grunted effort to make the step up to enter. Instead of asking where Anne Frank’s house was, (like almost everyone else), she asked where she could take her friends to go see some art. My colleague chimed in with The Nieuwe Spiegelstraat, which seemed like a good idea, until he told her where it was. She informed us that they were much to fat to make the journey walking, and laughed about it. I could tell she was a good natured gal and waited for my turn to jump in with a suggestion.
I told her to take a cab, then she informed me they were to big to fit in a car together to get there. She offered up that she was traveling with three republicans from Texas and was absolutely miserable. “Why did you do that?” I asked her. “You did this to yourself.” She laughed and said it was the only way that the trip was going to happen. My heart went out to her. She was trying to make everyone happy, and I empathized with that. #ilearnedthatlesson #stillstrugglewithit
I handed her the free Gay Map of Amsterdam and told her to torment her traveling buddies with it. Whip it out and they’d be forced to look at the jockstrap models on the edges while they found their way. She loved the idea! My colleague and I penned a walking route and some highlights of where to go / what to see. I asked her to point out her traveling companions when she left, so I could get a better idea of who / what she was dealing with.
She walked over to a man who seemed frozen in place and was wearing purple. I think it was her husband. He looked absolutely miserable. In my perfect world, police would ticket sour puss faces if the attached body was draped in the rare color of our ancient world. I found it hard to imagine a time in his life when someone would want him on top of them doing sex things.
He was instantly bored and took no interest in her story, so she gave up and went over to the other two. By the looks of them, they would only be called “a party” if it was a restaurant reservation. Unsurprisingly, they were another middle aged straight couple who were seated on the raised triangle of The Homomonument. I watched them point at our Gay & Lesbian Info Sign on top of the kiosk, and snickered to myself at how reluctant these lost republican tourists were at receiving much needed help from the LGBTQ info center, then went back to work.
Ten minutes later the original trip planner came back. “What are all those flowers for?” I told her they were for a the World-Gay-Famous, Dutch photographer, Erwin Olaf, who had just died. “Oh. They thought they were for Anne Frank?” I told her no, please tell your friends that they’re sitting on one of the three triangles of The Homomonument. Anne’s place is around the corner.
I watched to see their reaction, which was quizzical, but too lost and lazy to leave. I hate to admit, but I took great pleasure in their conundrum. Finding themselves sitting on a gay monument and getting help from people they vote against. #schadenfreude
Finally, the other woman came in. She wanted to know where we were sending them, because the original lady had forgotten or couldn’t explain it. I sensed she didn’t trust her. We repeated we were sending them a street with many galleries. She then informed us that she only wanted to see “local artists” and revealed herself to be a Bitter Pill best chased with a shot of Kill Joy.
And then POOF! They disappeared, just like Larry Craig*.
Thinking that was the last rodeo I was riding in today, to my surprise, another Lonestar Lady walked in. She was from Dallas, around fifty, very chatty and told me she got robbed on the train from Paris to Amsterdam. This was within the first 30 seconds of her speaking . I sympathized with her as I evaluated all the obvious jewelry she was wearing. “I talk to much.” She told me. “I always travel with a box of silver and a box of gold and they took it.”
“Yes. You do talk to much.” I nodded. “And you’re making yourself a target wearing all that.”
In between fidgeting with her nose, she said, “I just decided to come over here 48 hours ago. I didn’t plan it. I just booked a ticket and came. They stole my daughters ring that I had made from my husbands wedding ring. My parents are republicans. I have a trans niece or nephew, I don’t know who they are. So many of my friends have trans kids now. What is that about? I have some stuff I need to get rid of. Do you want it? You can bring it in- not out.”
“I don’t want your drugs. You shouldn’t be smuggling them. Its not a smart thing to do.” I calmly said, putting on my wise, old homo cap. To be honest, if she had offered them to me a few years ago, I would’ve taken them. I was pleased with myself that I wasn’t tempted to take them.
I realized all that woman this woman had was money and she was desperate to trade it for something of real value. Something that wasn’t for sale. She didn’t need anymore jewelry. She was offering me the drugs she had bought. She was running from her family and a great unhappiness she had found herself in. I felt like I should give her some of my time.
We walked around the shop and I showed her the NEW NAME / NEW YOU card with a Trans Flag on it. We talked about pronouns and she seemed to intentionally and repeatedly get them wrong for her nephew. I told her she needed to try harder and it should get easier.
She spent about 10 euros and said “Is that all?” and spilled out what must’ve been 200 euro in cash on the counter. It would have been so easy to take advantage of her, I could see how it happened before. She told me she how glad she was that she came in and how it had made her day.
I’m happy I could give her that.
Hopefully she’s ok out there tonight.
I doubt it.
#liefde #mafkees #lifeisastruggle
Cowgirl Photo
Public Domain
YOUNG WOMAN FROM SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, WHO SPENDS HER VACATIONS IN LEAKEY, TEXAS, BECAUSE SHE LIKES THE PEOPLE AND HAS MANY FRIENDS IN THE TOWN. NEAR SAN ANTONIO. Dec 1970
Todd is a middle-aged homosexual who writes and sells stuff.