Not having children and where it’s left me.

22 June 2020

I love kids. I used to want them, but not anymore. I still love other peoples children, though I never had any. Honestly, I’m a bit selfish and never thought I had enough money- PS- I still am and still don’t.

I do wonder though, if I had had some kids,would I have a higher standing in my family? Probably. It is expected. It’s an unspoken promise one gives by being born. I’ve often heard that being a grandparent is more rewarding than being a parent, because one doesn’t have to worry as much. “Spoil them, then send them home”, “Now you know what is was like.” “Payback’s a bitch.”, are things I’ve heard tossed around. I’ve also heard things like, “Well, if I said that, then they wouldn’t’ let me see the grand kids. They’d keep them from me.” Children not only bring joy, but they are also a bargaining tool of fear that not all of us have and not all of us realize.

I’m far too old (50) to even consider the grand undertaking of caring for a young life. If one was left on my doorstep, I would cuddle, coddle and feed the youngster. I would share mashed bananas and spin colorful yarns that would make both of us laugh. I don’t think there is a greater love, but how the hell should I know? Equating types of love is a game that no one wins. I’m only guessing.

If I did have a child, I’m sure they would have the opposite personality of mine. Not that’s it’s a bad thing, after all there’s nothing prettier than a coat of many colors, but I wonder if I would find it tedious on a day to day basis? Eddie from AbFab comes to mind. Seeing her and Saff hit the nail on the head for me. Polar opposites, to say the least. I’m all flowery fashion, bits n bobs, and god knows the universe would give me a child who loved Geometry, which I was more than terrible at. Pythagorean should’ve been seen as a Greek God in flowing robes in my mind, rather than black and white text taught by a nerdy professor in high school. Maybe if he had taught the class dressed like that he would’ve kept my attention?

The death of a child is also something I’m grateful I will never know. I have known those who have experienced this unspeakable blood-letting. The mere thought of it fills my heart with a black hole of sadness and pain that isn’t mine, but somehow, I know there could be nothing worse.

There are also parents who give up their children. This is also something I will never be able to comprehend. How could you make and see something grow and change, like a tadpole in the rain, then abandon it to fend for itself and pretend it never existed? Maybe they don’t forget them, but put them on an imaginary shelf, returned to an imaginary library and pretend to have lost their library card? I’m sure they have their reasons, and some are more valid than others.

Being human is a wonderful experience. Do I regret having children? Sure, part of me does. Luckily, I’m an uncle, which is mostly in the “spoil them and send them away” category. I’m very grateful to be that. Children add to the magic of life. I’m so glad to know a few. Be they far or near, they’re all quite dear. Treasure them if you see one nearby.

PS- I’m available for baby-sitting and the odd-overnight- as long as you order us a pizza.